day two

o m g

Had no idea the emotional pain all of this would entail. Again upon awakening a cigarette was my first thought that came to mind. Walked to the fridge for my Coke. Beginning again without my trusted friend to get things started. All went fairly well until about 2:00 this afternoon. Wanted a cigarette so bad didnt know what to do. Prayed and begged God to take away this craving. My son Robert came into my bedroom and held me while I cried. This part of my mind that was wanting the cigarette was running rampant. My son Robert took my phone from me and called my sponsor Kelly. She was very calming and guided me to theory that maybe I could work the 12 steps of my AA program on my addiction to tobacco. I read "Bills Story" in my big book of AA. I feel much calmer and more mentally capable of handling the next hour or two. I also spoke to several people from my home group that offered me strength and hope. Roberts Dad is going to come over and help us get the Christmas tree out of the attic  so I am going for now. Yay ! Day 2 Tobacco free is me!

day one

Today, December 4th is my first tobacco free day in many, many years. I have had an emotional day. When my feet hit the floor at 7:50 a.m. I thought of a cigarette. It was my first thought of the day. I got up and knew that today was not gonna be easy. I walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a can of Coke. I than looked at my patio doors. I wanted to pull the drapery back and step out onto my patio where I step when I first awake. I had opened my can of Coke and was ready to open my eyes with that first cigarette. It was than I began to mourn. I began to grieve. Normal people may not feel this way in this situation, but this is how I felt and feel. I have had a relationship with cigarettes for years. Before lunch time today, I know I consciously thought about smoking 45 times. After I played a couple games of solitaire on the computer I began to try and plan my day. Every thought that would come to my mind was I will do this, then I will smoke.